EYE ON ASTROLOGY: UNDERSTANDING KUJA DOSHA AND UNBENDING A STUCK EGO
With Mars and Venus conjunct and together until March 12th, relationships will be on the ropes with struggling and fighting. .
Mars is feared in relationship compatibility because if our partner gets too caught in their ego or doing it their way or is too selfish or unbending, then Venus gets overpowered. Secret of relationship is harmonizing and compromising and when Mars gets stuck then it seems that nothing will move it. Men are ruled by Mars and so by nature they naturally are attached to their way and their ego and they do want to fight with another woman over who is right.
The secret with Kuja Dosha or too much ego in relationship is to support your partner and being a hero and thinking that they are getting their way. Rather than make your partner wrong and fight, use you creativity to get what you need. Instead of ordering your spouse to take out the garbage and or clean, up, make him a hero. “I’m really not feeling well today. Could you help me with my errands or the dishes today.” Ask a question to your man and make a him a question. Could find time to pick up the kids today so I can make that great dinner for you?” Mars want to be a hero so make your spouse a hero and you can melt some kuja dosa.
The astrology of Mars in marriage charts does not occur as often as your village priest or local astrologer would have you think it might. There are all kinds of cancellations but it is particularly difficult in Gemini and Virgo rising signs or rising Navamsha signs since Mars and Mercury are bitter enemies. Specifically Kuja dosha or problems with marital life occur when Mars is in the following houses in the natal chart or the D-9 Navamsha chart :
When Mars is most afflicted and Kuja dosha is not cancelled out, the following issues can arise from Mars in the following houses:
2nd house: Family life is impacted; financial problems may impact marital life; sexual energy may be misused; tendency toward harsh speech and cursing and communication problems and misunderstandings between partners.
4th house: Troubled childhood and broken relationship with mother or early separation may impact marriage and and family life can lead to aggression, disturbed home life, frequent quarrels.
7th House: Fighting and quarreling with partners; aggressive sexual energy may be problematic; partners may be selfish or angry or impolite or inconsiderate; early intimacy and sexual passion is mistaken for love and leads to early marital disharmony.
8th house : Can lead to being a victim and a victimizer, broken relationships; problems with scandals; reproductive problems that may lead to fighting; problems with joint finance. Thought to bring early death of the spouse, accidents, problems with in-laws if severely afflicted.
12th house: Can disrupt sexual relationships with couples; over-spending can lead to fighting; create distrust in marriage and inability to sacrifice in marriage because personal ego may disallow the need to sacrifice and compromise; conflict sometimes between celibacy and intimacy can lead to marital fighting.
People are quick to see Kuja dosha and declare it in a chart but there are many modification of this problem:
1) Firstly it tends to be more of a problem before the Age of 28 when Mars matures so older couples with this issue in their charts may have learned the lessons.
2) If both partners have Kuja dosha, it is thought that one’s aggression will not harm the other partner as there will be “fit competition” and the ability to duke it out in a free-spirited and feisty manner.
In reality this is not a solution as marriage is about Venus and harmony but some couples like the fire of fighting and the ultimate passion that can come and sometimes this can work for a little while but ultimately, Venus and the female will get tired and be out of her dharma and natural element and this will weigh on the relationship. The reality of this situation is beyond the simplicity rule that two people with Kuja dosha can marry each other.
One will find Kuja dosha in many charts because there is such a broad chance that it can happen and particularly since you have to include the D-9 and Navamsha chart in analysis.
Ways to Overcome Kuja Dosha
1) Marry after the age of 28 and date a lot and become aware of how your Martian ego and controlling nature or fighting nature shows up.
2) Find a partner that you can fight with in a fun and loving manner with passion where the Martian energy increases the passion and you can get beyond it.
3) Do Hanuman Chalisa regularly to remedy this situation.
4) Engage in professional counseling.
5) Learn to say yes to your partner and compromise and be willing to let go of your need to have it your way. Be aware of your need to control, dominate. Find ways to manage your anger.
6) Heal your relationship from childhood and your mother (Mars in the 2nd and 4th)
7) Stay away from hot and spicy foods and calm pitta dosha so that sexual aggression and fighting can be handled.
8) Learn to handle finances jointly and equitably (Mars in the 8th and 12th) by getting financial counseling and gaining trust. Create separate finances and checking accounts so that there is no quarreling in this area and plan joint finances carefully so there is no resentment.
Since Kuja dosha is so common, one has really learn how to navigate it and be aware of one’s issues around ego and lack of compromise to get through it. The quick fix of getting a Vedic ceremony may temporarily work but without awareness of how your Martian energy shows up an a relationship, it will not end be resolved with work on changing your patterns. It is like Bill Murray in the movie Ground Hog Day. He has to become aware though life-times of messing up and changing patterns to win the girl at the end.
Special thanks to my teachers Komilla Sutton and to Hart De Fouw and Robert Svoboda for their insights on some of these issues.
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